Google are human! At last I can call them!

After all this time, someone at Google has a phone number! At last there will be someone to speak to, even if it's only for Adwords it's a start.

I just got this email, you'll get one soon. But in case it gets lost in Spam here it is:


Hello,

Thank you for advertising with the Google AdWords program.

As part of our ongoing efforts to provide you with the best service possible, we are pleased to offer you the opportunity to contact our AdWords specialists by telephone. You can now call our dedicated local rate number.

If you are calling from the UK, please dial: 0845 358 0038, alternatively if you are calling from the Republic of Ireland, please dial: 1890 94 3980.

Then, for fastest service please follow the instructions below:

1. To expedite your call, press 2 to enter your Customer ID. This number is located at the top of every page in your AdWords account, next to your name and email address.

2. Press 3 if you do not have your Customer ID available and would like to be transferred to the next available AdWords Specialist.

You can reach our AdWords Specialists by phone Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, between the hours of 9a.m and 6p.m and on Tuesday and Friday from 9a.m to 5p.m.

As always, we are happy to assist you in any way possible.

Please also feel free to contact us via email at adwords-uk@google.com, and we will reply within one business day.

We look forward to providing you with the most effective advertising available.

Sincerely,
The Google AdWords UK and Ireland Team

How not to Translate or Interpret

In my line of work you hear a lot of stories about how companies have someone who speaks french, or they have a relative who can write Chinese.

So they use these people to translate or interpret and they end up with a terrible job. But there are a few reasons why they might continue to use these friends, for translation.

1. They don't have any understanding of the languages so have no way to check the quality
2. They are too embarrassed to tell their friend/colleague that they are doing a bad job
3. They are too blinded by the cost of a professional translation or interpretation to pay for a professional

All three are really bad reasons. Would you trust an accountant to fix your car?

Then why trust one to translate for you?

Here's a great clip from the Catherine Tate show in the UK. It Illustrates my point perfectly.

Reg Vardy the worst possible customer service Part 1

A few months ago I went to buy a new car with my wife. We wanted a Citroen Picasso, nice car, just right for the kids. We figured Reg Vardy in Sheffield would do us a good deal and give good service. We couldn't have been more wrong.

Here is a copy of the letter and email we sent to Reg Vardy and Citroen to complain. I'm still waiting too months after for a good answer.

I've removed actual names, Reg Vardy is the one who should be ashamed of hiring and training their staff. It's not the staff's fault that they are allowed to work in this manner. Here goes, enjoy. Let me know what you think.

Would you ever buy a car from these people?

I am writing to complain about the appalling service I received from your team at Reg Vardy Citroen, on Penistone Road, Sheffield. On 17th September 2006, my wife and I visited the dealership and spoke to XXXX XXXXX, one of your sales representatives and informed him that we were interested in test driving a Citroen Picasso. After a lot of deliberation he found us a Picasso in our price range on your system. We were told however that it was in Sunderland and would need to be brought to Sheffield for us to test drive it and this would be done within the next few days. We were asked to leave a deposit of £100 to secure the vehicle and told that if we were not happy with it after a test drive we could have the deposit back. We were not totally happy about leaving a deposit but did so any way as a show of faith in the company.

As the following week wore on, we received no phone calls from XXXX or Reg Vardy. On Friday 22nd of September we received a message on our answer machine at home from XXXX saying that he had trying to get hold of us all week to give us an update on where we were with the car. This was the first message we received. I called him back on Saturday 23rd September and was told that the car would be in early the next week. I then waited and heard nothing so I called the dealer on Thursday 28th September and spoke to a man called XXXXX who said he was the sales manager. He said that he would check on the progress of the car and call me back in five minutes. He actually called 2½ hours later, and said that the car should be ready to see at the weekend.

We then called on Friday 29th September 2006 and were told that the car was in and having its checks and would be available to test drive on Saturday. We agreed that we would test drive on Saturday 30th September 2006 at 2.00pm. We arranged a babysitter for our children and arrived at the showroom at about 1.50pm with my father-in-law who we brought along to help us assess the car.

When we arrived, XXXX looked for the car in the back lot and couldn’t find it. He said it had been there 40 minutes earlier (approx. 1.10pm), he then went back into the office and said that it was in the mechanic’s garage and he would take us in there to see it. He then took us into the garage to show us the car which was up on a ramp without its wheels and brakes. I assumed it was part way through its checks. At this point I said to XXXX that I was upset because we had been promised that we could test drive the car and arranged child care to fit this in. I then said that I wanted to cancel the deal and wanted my deposit returned. My father-in-law then mentioned a scratch he had seen on the passenger side of the car. XXXX then became quite aggressive and asked who my father-in-law was. He then said that he didn’t want to discuss the matter any more in the garage and wanted us to speak to the manager.

Reg Vardy the worst possible customer service Part 2

We sat down in the showroom and a man who I believe was called XXXX came over to talk to us. XXXX apologised for the lack of communication and the fact the car wasn’t ready when it had been promised. He said that the garage closed at 12.00pm and that “these things happen”. This contradicted what XXXX said about the car being outside and ready to test drive 40 minutes earlier. This is impossible if the garage section closed at 12.00pm.

Alan then asked why we wanted to cancel the deal, I explained that we had been waiting for 2 weeks for a test drive receiving no communication about the progress, and that when we had arrived at the time arranged, the car wasn’t able to be driven. He then offered to give us a courtesy car for a week which was of no benefit to us as we already have two working cars. This to and fro discussion with XXXX and XXXX went on for about 10-15 minutes with them trying to change my mind in what I consider an aggressive manner. At this point my mind was made up and I just wanted my deposit back and to leave.

I reiterated that I still wanted to cancel and have my deposit returned to my card. XXXX said that he couldn’t do this straight away because there was no one in Finance. I have experience of credit card machines and I know that it is possible to credit back a transaction in minutes. However, XXXX was becoming quite aggressive in the middle of the showroom and I decided not to pursue the issue. I agreed that the transaction could be credited on my card on Monday when the Finance department was open. I left my credit card details on a compliments slip with XXXX and then asked if I could have a compliment slip in return with a signature from a manager to say that the transaction would be carried out on Monday. I was told by XXXX “I’m not putting may name to anything, you can’t have anything signed”.

I saw this as a reasonable request. But this seemed to enrage XXXX who asked us to step into another office. When we refused XXXX asked us to leave the premises and pushed my father- in-law out of the door. My father-in-law fell onto the floor on the forecourt outside. He is 68 years old and is quite frail on his legs. My wife was visibly upset at this point as she was very worried about her dad who has had surgery on his knee and the fall caused him pain around this area. My father-in-law was left on the floor by the people involved in the fracas, and as the argument continued we helped my father-in-law to his feet and I called the Police to report the incident. They issued me with a crime number, and as I write we are waiting for the Police to interview my wife, father-in-law and me.

I am writing this on Sunday 1st October 2006 and shall be calling Reg Vardy on Penistone Road on Monday to see if my deposit has been credited.

The main points of my complaint are:

• The aggressive sales tactics of the staff at Reg Vardy Citroen on Penistone Road Sheffield.
• The lack of communication regarding the arrival and test drive of the car.
• The fact that even after we had confirmed that we would visit the showroom on Saturday at 2.00pm the car was not drivable
• The aggressive nature of the staff when I asked for my deposit back
• The delay in returning the deposit
• And finally and most importantly the assault of my father-in-law.

I await a swift response to this complaint

Yours sincerely

I got the deposit back, by cheque. Not Credit Card as they said I would.

I'm still waiting for a response.

If you work for Reg Vardy I hope you read this. If you are thinking of buying a car from Reg Vardy I hope you read this too.

How to find the right links for your site

Over on SEOmoz there's great article about getting the right links to help your site rank. It's quite a long process, but well worth it.

Take a look, I know I'll be referring back to it a lot.

Getting the right links

Charles Handy Guide to Management Gurus

If your looking for inspiration you could do worse than begin here. With Charles Handy's guide to management. One of my favourites Tom Peters is listed, plus a few I've never heard of.

I'll be looking through and seeing what inspiration I can find.

Social media 101, how to actually do it

Just checked back and found this useful how to guide for Social Media Press Releses.

No excuse now!

Social Media and Press Releases, How it all works

I'm still getting to grips with PR in general. It's not my bag, that's why I have a PR Executive now. And very good she is too.

I keep reading about social media: Digg, Delicious etc. And I've tried to use it, but struggled. There's no definitive way to handle it and it all seems to vague to me.

I know I should be doing this, but it seems a lot of effort for not much return. I just found this blog by Brian Solis which helps to explain it a lot better. I'll give it a go and see if it helps me. I think you shold too.

Good luck.

Proofreading - the 30 minute rule

I've been writing copy for a long time, articles, mailing packs, websites, emails, shopping list and now a blog.

I'm not the greatest writer but I like to think creatively. Doing that means that on occasion I come up with an idea that really works well. The problem is that my mind works quicker than my fingers and in my rush to get a piece of writing out I read over my mistakes and even when I try really hard they can still creep through. That kind of kills the idea.

The obvious thing is to have someone proofread everything. That's fine, but I work at a small company and everyone is very busy. Sure they look and read but they are busy and trust that I've got things right. So they look past things too.

This is a real demon I'm struggling with, my keystrokes are my job. So a little thing I've come up with may help. It may help you to. I don't claim to have invented this, maybe I read it somewhere. Sorry if this is actually your idea. Anyway here it is.

30 Minute Rule

When you finish some copy and everyone has had their input and all the corrections have gone in and you're ready to send it out.

STOP!

Put the copy to one side for 30 minutes and then re-read it.

You'll read it with fresh eyes and may spot those little things which will haunt you if you send out your communication with them in.

Nothing will spoil for 30 minutes, but a rushed out email, mailshot, ad, website or god help you shopping list. Could haunt you for a very, very long time.

Tattoo Translations

How would you feel if you'd had a tattoo in a foreign language and then discovered years later that what you thought said "Happiness" really said "Ugly" or "Stupid". Once it's there there's no moving it.

We'll now you can be sure that your tattoo says what you think it does. Applied Language have a new online system which allows you to enter your text online and have a professional translator do your translation.

No more asking the man in the Chinese Restaurant!

Enter the Dragon

The wisdom of Bruce Lee

"Don't think feel. It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger all you will miss all the heavenly glory."

Professional online translation

Most online translation is done by machine. It's very good, and the best is about 51% accurate which when you think about it is amazing!

The only problem is that the other 49% in inaccurate.

Don't get me wrong machine translation is a great way to find out the gist of a text you can't read yourself. But it can't beat translation by a human. The problem with professional translation though is that it can be expensive to get good quality translation.

So on the Applied Language we've added a new service for Professional Online Translation.
This is and idea service for having Tattoos and Mottos translated which is a huge area. There are so many instances of bad tattoo translations it's frightening David Beckham, Britney Spears the list goes on.

All you need to do is log on type your text, pay only £6 and the translation will be delivered back to you via email in 24hrs.

Indian workforce moving up the ranks

A recent report from the BBC points out that India is having a problem finding enough graduates to fill the jobs they need in India. The cream of the crop from the Indian schools are being lured by the big US and European companies with large salaries and bonuses.

This is just another stage of the circle, in a short time this will spread from India to China to Russia and back to Europe and the US again. The world works in peaks and troughs of power and this is another blip on the way to the world levelling off until another major differentator comes along.

Who knows maybe agriculture will be the next big thing?

Google to by YouTube?

The BBC have just reported that Google are looking to buy YouTube

I'm not surprised by this Google already has Google video which is very similar to YouTube. The guys a Mountain View are just aquiring eyeballs, plus according to the report, a headfull of copywrite headaches.

Well they can just be added to the problems with the book scanning
idea.

Spam reporting checklist

I've posted before about spam. My day job involves (shock) getting people to buy things. I'm old fashioned I know but as far as I know that's what Marketing is all about.

On my site we have a section for people to leave details to ask for a quote. It's very clear what this form is for, there are no tricks. At the end we even tell you we'll be in touch.

Yet when I go back to the list of people who visited the form and left their details to contact them to see if they would still like information. They get shirty, accuse me of invading their space and abusing their email in box. Some, especially AOL users, reach for the "Report Spam" button.

Now, I'm ethical, I only contact people who come to me. I don't buy lists and I always include an automatic unsubscribe link.

Here are a few tips to deal with spam in a proper way

1. Don't fill in forms on sites you never want to hear from
2. When you receive something you don't recognise, check for an unsubscribe link/system and use it.
3. If you're not certain that will happen then reply to the email.
4. If the reply address is not valid, then just delete the email.

Real hard core spammers, don't care if they are marked as spam, they move so quickly it'll never stop them. Save yourself the time and anxiety and just delete or unsubscribe.

Stop using Flash Splash Pages

On SEOmoz, I found this very good article on why not to use Flash Splash pages

This is a great article which gives all the right answers as to why it's a total waste of time energy and money to have a Flash Splash page on your site.

What staggers me is that people still need to be told that this is a very bad idea. It was a bad idea back in 1998 when I worked on my first ever site, and it's still a bad idea.

Reg Vardy Sheffield

Deleted this entry til I've all the facts straight and talked to Reg Vardy Head Office. I'll post again when things are clearer.

Really not happy at all!

Another Bloody good idea

I'm sure I've said before, but if not I'll say it again. The best ideas are really simple but they need to engage.

Another Bloody Water, is the best example I seen in quite a while. To me water's water and I can't be the only one. This Australian company have the same point of view.

They're hitting the niche that's ironic as well as the one that doesn't care which water they drink. Now they can make a great anti-statement.

At last! - The Atomium Saved!

the cool hunter - KIDS SPHERE HOTEL - Cocoons for sleeping

I used to work in travel, well coach tours really (is that travel?). Anyway, we did tours to Brussels and one of the best pictures was the Atomium. Problem was it looked great, but was in the middle of nowhere and it was rusting.

I just popped on to Boing Boing and found that great link. The Atomium has been saved and is now a really cool retro-science type hotel. What an improvement, can they pop to Sheffield and help us out please? We've getting mowed over with drab urbanite ghettos!

Long tail on YouTube

I know that YouTube is now becoming old hat. Yes, it nothing new anymore, but it's now becoming the long tail of clips I used to search for in vain.

I just found a jem I'd forgotten about from a UK comedy series Big Train. Big Train never had a big following but produced some of the funniest things I've ever seen on TV. I wish it would be repeated (hint to any one who has influence).

One of the best things on it is the Staring Competition, which is a masterly piece of simplicity, the animation hardly moves and the focus is so strong. It's a perfection of understatement and that's what makes it so great. Enough waffle here's the clip.



These clips I've been adding recently don't really fit with the site and I'm sorry. But apart from being pearls of comedy, they demonstrate a few of the best marketing practices available.

1. Simplicity
2. Engagement
3. Passive Interaction
4. Word of mouth
5. Long Tail
6. Perfect targeting