Why does Microsoft make simple tasks so hard?

I'm writing a spec for a new service. It's essentially a list of titles with subtitles. I'm stuck with a PC and Microsoft word to produce this all I need is to number the main headings and then letter the subheads. Using the numbering feature I managed nicely for a while but as the document got longer it started to screw up and get really annoying.

Please Microsoft build a programme that works, just once. Even Google blogger software lets me do this easier than Microsoft Word.

The Apprentice UK in Lego!

This is fantastic, scenes for the Apprentice UK with Alan Sugar re-created in 3D Lego animation.

Brilliant!

Monkey Business Management

The guy who runs the Eden Project in Cornwall in the UK. Runs his business in a very strange way.

If you were going for an interview how would you feel if you were asked to perform a song, dance or tell a story?

I know I'd feel pretty stupid.

The thing is the Eden Project is one of the most successful tourist attractions in the UK, so the people who are being hired like this are producing what people want. So although these methods seem pretty flaky they producing the right results.

Behind the Google curtain - Matt Cutts

Matt Cutt's puts in his twopenneth on the article in the NY Times.

As always Matt gives a little bit more, but it only ever really triggers more questions.

Damn you Google!

Inside the GooglePlex - what goes on in the Google Algo team

What happens inside the Google Algorythm team is a closley guarded secret. The New York Times got a man on the inside and though he's doesn't get much information the article shows that whatever you do there's no point trying to cheat Google.

If you rely on them like I do play it safe, keep to the Google guidelines and build interesting sites with great content.

Website Landing Page Conversions

Whatever your landing page is designed to do, generate sales, download software or read an article it needs to convert and it needs to do it at a decent cost especially if you are using AdWords or other advertising. Everyone needs increased conversion.

This great study on Landing Page Conversion uses real life case studies and shows real results. It's worth testing the ideas here and seeing what happens.

I'll be testing and reporting back my findings.

How to check if your site has pages in Google's Supplemental Results

Supplemental results for any site are a disaster. Google's supplemental results are the ones Google keeps in the back file in case the main results can't answer a search query.

And as Google's main results are so great, the supplemental ones don't get used very often.

To check if your site has pages in supplemental results, you can use this search query in the Google search box.

site:www.yoursite.com *** -sjpked

Just substitute yoursite.com for the url of the site you want to check.

If you have pages listed in here, check to see that your navigation links work ok, and start to try to build good pagerank for these pages.

Hiring a PR Executive in Huddersfield

My PR Executive Stacey, is sadly leaving us for pastures new. I really don't want her to leave but hey, that's life.

Problem is I now need to replace her. This is my blog so it's as good a place as any.

Here's the job description, let me know if your interested or pass it to a friend. The job's in Huddersfield, UK.

About Applied Language
A career handing Applied Language’s PR is not for the faint hearted. You’ll need to hit the ground running, be able to think on your feet and act very quickly. The job is very varied and changes hour to hour. You will need to continue to build on our already strong relationship with both local and national press, radio and TV.

On top of that you’ll need to be very well organised as well as creative. To get this job you’ll also need to demonstrate that you can build great long term relationships with the media and be able to keep lots of plates spinning all at once.

We’re looking for a very special person!

Role
Your role is to develop the PR presence of Applied Language

This will include:
· Liaison with both Trade and news press representatives.
· Writing Press Releases
· Co-ordinating events
· Case Studies
· Handling on-line PR activity, including posting on forums and other social media.
· Writing and proofreading copy for the website and printed publications
· Research for articles and information for the website
· Working with the international offices to co-ordinate Marketing and PR activity
· Keeping accurate records of PR Activity

Essential Requirements
Degree in marketing and PR
Experience in using PR Planner
Experience of putting together press releases
Strong English language skills
Good IT Skills
Knowledge of Internet and marketing techniques

Email opening times

I send a lot of Business to Business emails. Normally there aren't many trends, but recently after looking at the opened over time statistics I've spotted that the further away you get from the date of the initial email being sent, the more people open their emails at about 11 am.

I've no evidence as to why this should happen. Maybe it's because there's a slow down before lunch and people are more likely to take a glance at an email they thought they'd save for later.

Internet Masterclass

Yesterday I gave my first "Internet Masterclass". I was asked by the Yorkshire UKTI to do this for the people they have on their Passport to Export Scheme.

I was a bit worried mainly because I'd never thought of myself as an Internet master, which would be a good start to give an Internet Masterclass you'd have thought.

The funny thing about being asked to present anything is that you don't realise how much you know about something until you begin to explain it to others. The group was only a small one but that helped because I could give more personal information to the delegates.

If you were asked to give an "Internet Masterclass" what one bit of advice would you give? I'd love to know because I'm sure whatever you think, I bet I forgot it, or didn't know it in the first place.

If you'd like to see the presentation and read the document I put together, then drop me an email and I'll send it on. I'd love to hear your feedback and thoughts.

Google Analytics Beta dashboard sucks

I use Google Analytic to measure the traffic to this blog and a lot of my other sites. It's free, easy to use and gives some great data. The current layout is great and very simple to navigate and use.

But some bright spark thought they could improve it and today they added a new beta view. Look I'm all for new developments, but this one should never had got passed the sketch pad let alone into Beta testing. It's just bad it should be dropped now.

Sorry Google got it wrong.

Why Marketers should be concerned with Return on Investment

I get a daily email from Drayton Bird, a master at Direct Marketing. Check out Drayton's books on Amazon.

Today's nugget from Drayton is about why Marketers should focus on getting cash in the till above all else. Here's probably the best section from the email. It's a story you may have heard about Sergio Zyman, former chief marketing officer of Coca-Cola.

One of his best stories tells how he showed his first Coca-Cola ads in 1993 to his boss Roberto Goizueta, who said, "I don't like those ads." "Look, Roberto," he replied, "If you're willing to buy 100% of the volume worldwide then I'm happy to do the advertising that you like. Otherwise I've got to keep doing it to those damned consumers."

I think this say it all really.

NLP training day 1

Today I started my first day of NLP training. My company, Applied Language, is the most forward thinking I have worked for. Still only a small company they see the benefit of advanced NLP training for the whole company.

Today was just basics about being able to read peoples states and eye movements. It's still day one so I can't think that too much has sunk in yet. But as a lot of the stuff is talking to my unconscious mind, I've probably pick up more than I think.

I'll keep posting how it's going.

Exibiting - the expensive folly

This week I exhibited at Internet World at Earls Court in London.

We had a great time and the exhibition went very well, our stand was nice and busy and we got loads of great leads. Translation is a difficult thing to get across but at least the people we spoke to were interested and not just collecting bags, pens, folders snow storms or any other type of crap available.

This is the bit of exhibiting I don't get. Why do companies insist on having their stands covered in giveaway stuff. Sure they get lots of crowds, but all that happens is you quickly run out of your stuff and you don't get one lead because you were too busy re-stocking your stand. We got less visitors that the stand with dancing girls, sure. But the people we spoke to hung around for about 15 minutes and left having arranged an sale, demo or at least a follow-up.

So before you buy loads of pens and spend a fortune on your next stand, stop, think. What exactly are you achieving?

how much is customer worth to you? - Drayton Bird

I'm on a mailing list for Drayton Bird's Helpful Ideas. He's sending out 51 helpful ideas each day. Today's was number 35. Today's helpful idea is - how much is a customer worth? Not many people think about long term customer value. Drayton helps to explain why you should.

Remember, the currency of your business is customers - and act accordingly.

So the big marketing question is, "how much is customer worth to you?" If you've been in business for a while you can measure how long customers stay with you, and how much profit they provide in that time.

Then you discount the sum to determine what you can afford to recruit and retain a customer, allowing for a profit.It is true that some sales are not repetitive, but in those cases you can often, if not always, cross-sell other things.

The importance of customer value came home to a client who sold what they call an fmcg (fast moving consumer goods) product here - and packaged goods in the U.S. He asked me, "If the gross margin on one sale is 80 pence, how can I afford to send out direct mail at 100 pence a time?" I asked him if he knew the average value of a customer over time - not just one sale. He said he'd never given it a thought. And I said, "You can easily afford it if you know your average customer buys 200 packs a year and stays with you for five years - and you think not about making an immediate sale, but making and keeping a customer". He became my largest client. The same principle applies if you work out how many cars you can sell a customer over a lifetime. You can afford a series of very expensive direct communications - DVDs, books, lavish mailing packs and so forth.

But it all starts by thinking in terms not of expenditure, but return on investment, and taking a lot of trouble to try and assess what a customer is worth.

Hendersons has it's own myspace

Hendersons update

Just done a bit more surfing for Hendersons Relish. It's so popular in Sheffield it's got its own Myspace page. Its got loads of friends including Jarvis from Pulp.

the art of marketing without marketing - the ultimate viral campaign

I'm from Sheffield in the UK. Now Sheffield isn't famous for many things it a northern town which used to have a lot of industry mainly steel, you'll have heard of Sheffield Steel. It has a few famous rock stars too, Def Leopard (I can't stand them), Pulp, The Human League and recently the Arctic Monkeys.

But if you're from Sheffield there's one thing which connects you to everyone else in what's know as Yorkshire's biggest village.

Hendersons Relish

Hendersons Relish, is like black gold. It looks like Worcester sauce but is nothing like it, it's kind of sweet and sour and has a curious aftertaste too. There truly is nothing that compares to Hendersons Relish.

The strange thing about Hendersons is that, as far as I'm aware and I've lived Sheffield for 34 years, they have never, ever advertised. Nothing, not a sausage, not even sponsorship. Even the bottles are simplicity itself, they still have the same orange label they always have. In stores it is displayed in plain brown boxes, no point of sale.

Yet I guarantee that every house in Sheffield has a bottle and cherishes it. There is shouting if it's stew for tea that there's no Hendersons.

I put it all down to mystique marketing, the building for Hendersons has always been the same, you never see anyone enter or leave and there are no Hendersons delivery trucks. I've never heard anyone say they work there. Its as if the stuff just appears from thin air.

You can now order it on line as they've finally relented and built a very understated (what do you expect) website. Even that builds on the mystique.

Hendersons is truly the art of marketing without marketing.

Order some online now I guarantee you'll be hooked, just don't tell anyone just think it.

BEST Website Ever - WORST Product Ever

This website is almost too slick, the timing and pretence are amazing. It's just infulfilling at the end, a real shame



read more | digg story

Nude women and beer - the ultimate offer!

The Portman Group in the UK who look after the drinks industry have just banned Rubbel Sexy Lager from the UK. The ins and outs are that in the UK you can't say that drinking will enhance your sexual prowess.

The bottle has a picture of a Bikini Clad lady on the bottle. The fabric of the bikini is made from scratch able foil, underneath she's naked. Some older UK readers may remember when peanuts used to be sold in English pubs in much the same way. Each time a packet was bought it revealed more and more of a naked lady on the card holding the packets.

Search engines through the looking glass

I just found this great article on Search Engine Optimisation on a site I'd not come across before Stuntduble.com

It's a great article full of amazing information, take a look now.

Email campaigns the easy way

If you're working on a small budget, or maybe no budget email campaigns are very effective. The problem is that if you have a tight budget, you'll probably end up using Outlook or another email system to send your emails.

This is fine up to a limit. Once you get pass about 10 recipients it makes a real mess because you'd have to send them individually. Don't even think about using BCC or god forbid sending them as one mass email with all the addresses in.

The best think I've found to send out Email campaigns is Campaign Monitor. All you need to do is create your email. Load your list into their system and then click send. Campaign monitor has great in depth reporting, handles bouncebacks (sou don't get loads of undeliverable messages) and unsubscribes.

Added to all this the cost is fantastic. They charge a $5 set up charge per campaign and then $0.01 per email. I'm in the UK so an email campaign to 10,000 customers will only cost me £52.50.

The Return on Investment is a doddle at that cost to output.

Give it a go you won't be disappointed!

Getting things right when you write!

If you write any thing like me you probably have so many ideas to get onto your word document that they get mixed up. This happens especially when editing, you get half way through and decide to change tack in a sentence. In the creative haze it's easy to read what you want to read and over look errors. There are a couple of ways to help this.

1. Use your spellcheck function, and make sure it's set to the correct language! Microsoft think that all English is US English. If you're audience is in the UK they won't appreciate z's in specialise and Americans want a z.
2. Always, always have another person proofread your copy (maybe two or three).
3. Listen to what they say.
4. Use the 30 minute rule. Pretty much every thing can wait 30 minutes. Put your copy to one side for half an hour and then re-read it. Your spot a lot of thing you didn't before.

I just realised this is my 101st blog entry. When I started I didn't think I'd ever get this far - well done me!

Where does all the jargon come from?

I'm sure you've sat in meetings where people come out with so-called "business speak".

'Run it up the flag pole and see who salutes' is my all time favourite.

Well I've found if not The source, a bloody good source of new business gibberish. Have a go at the Web Economy Bullshit Generator. It brings a whole new least of life to crap!

Google tighten their grip

Google are tightening up the webmarketing world again with their purchase of DoubleClick.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6554595.stm

Top ranking factors for Google

Over on SEOMoz, they've just published a great report on the top ranking factors for Google. This is invaluable for anyone involved in web marketing and is a must read.

I just wish someone at Google would confirm or deny these. Still that would just ruin the fun of it.

Hotmail users miss out of great deals

Like most marketers I use email as one of my main routes to market. It's obvious why, it's cheap, quick, easy to test and gives instant results.

The hardest bit of doing email marketing though is the fact that some people are so afraid of email that they hide away and won't let you talk to them even when they've given you permission.

I'm taking mainly about Hotmail users, but plenty of other people are guilty as well.

Hotmail users feel more than happy to come and register on my site and ask for services. I'm grateful for that because without them I'd have no custom. The problem comes when I email them about offers which are relevant to them. Your average Hotmail user just hits the mark as spam button. (Sorry to tar all Hotmail users with the same brush). That's fine but there are more sensible ways to get out of receiving email.

On all my emails I include an unsubscribe link, click it and you're off the list no questions. I'm not a spammer and I really don't want to send emails to people who don't want to read them.

What am I doing about this? Easy Before I send any emails I remove Hotmail and a lot of other similar services from the list. That way I guarantee I won't get marked for Spam.

The sad bit is that due to a few users running loose with the mark as spam button no Hotmail etc customers ever get my emails, this probably means they don't get any others either. They must be missing out on some great deals and services, still it's their loss.

The lesson is, if you signed up for something by mistake of if the service isn't relevant any more just unsubscribe. Please!

How to get coverage in Newspapers

Getting coverage in Newspapers can seem really daunting. When I joined my present company, Applied Language, I had no experience of speaking to journalist or PR. Now we get lots of coverage in our local titles.

How did we do this?

It's pretty easy really but you'll need to do a bit of leg work. The fist thing to do is identify the journalists and get to know what they write about. Buy the papers and read the sections and articles which are based around where you want to be.

Once you know the journalists you need to speak to you'll need to get all information together.

Journalists are very busy and you need to sell your company or organisation. The best way to sell anything is to make it as easy as possible for your customers (reporters) to buy you. To do this you'll need to assemble a press pack. This is less daunting than it sounds, here's a quick check list:

• Brief history about your company/organisation
• Biographies of the most important staff
• Current Press Releases
• Any pictures you have

It's best to put all these on a CD and have hard copies, at least of the articles.

Once you have all this, the next step is to call the journalists and introduce yourself. Give them a brief over view of why you're interesting. Once you have their interest arrange to go and see them at a convenient place and time for them, remember make their job easy.

Once you've met and got your enthusiasm over you'll have an advantage over all the other people who will just email press releases with no prior connection. When yours turn up the journalist will recognise them and you're far more likely to feature in the paper.

The last rule is to be polite, never be too pushy but be persistent. And always remember to thank the journalist after the article has been printed.

Solve your customers problems, not tell them what you've been doing

I just received an email news letter, I'm sure you get load of these as well.

I had a quick scan down the copy as it's about a product I use a lot and I'm having issues with. So the timing of the email was great for me.

But once I started to read the copy I realised that the news letter wasn't written for me it was written for the MD of the company. The first 4 paragraphs told me about what the company had been doing.

To summarise the copy was all about "We".

We've been busy, we've done this, we've don that - you know the score.

I'm sure this company are really proud of what they've achieved and so they should be.

But in the end I selfish. I want to know what they can do for me? How can they solve my problems? Why should I spend my cash with them?

If they had started these paragraphs with You or Your, the readership and final actions, which is what counts, would be greatly improved.

The lesson? Always put the customer first, they don't care about you. They are selfish like you and me, give them what they want.

Buy before you Die

On Radio 5 Live this morning, they interviewed a guy who makes made to measure coffins. He'll make whatever you want, from an egg to an aeroplane.

This kind of thing only appeals to a small niche, which is great.

The thing I liked best was when the guy said;

"These are mainly for the 'Buy Before You Die' customer".

I don't know whether he did that on purpose but, he should definitely use it as a tag line. It'll offend loads of people I'm sure but his target market of people wanting designer coffins will love it.

Corporate Blogging - Yes or No? You tell me

Over on SEOMoz, there's an article on Corporate Blogging and whether it's a good idea or not.

I've been pushing for a corporate blog for ages. I've read all the blogs on the subject and the books. I know the value of doing it, but I'm still hanging on. There are lots of issues I need to settle first.

1. Who will blog?
   Most people in the business don't see the value of a company blog. They don't have that much interaction with websites and can't see the advantage. So getting buy in is an issue.
2. Who'll maintain and edit it?
   Our site currently gets nearly 100K unique visitors per day and we have a team working constantly on the site to keep it going. Can I justify the extra work involved?
3. What will be the ROI?
   This is the killer. How can I measure the Return on Investment?
4. How to keep the momentum going?
   Lots of people will be enthusiastic at the beginning, but how can I keep that up?

There are loads more questions than just these, but these are the main stumbling blocks. Overcome these and I'm off and running.

One more issue is the company is very busy anyway can we afford a distraction like this. Or on the other hand can we not afford to miss the opportunity!

I'd love to know if anyone else has had these dilemmas and how they've over come them, or even decided against a blog altogether.

Are all cutomers created the same?

I've just completed our marketing plan for 2007 and presented it to our sales team. These things are always a bit tricky, until you've finished you never really know how they'll go. This went OK, a few blank looks but most people got the idea and took it on board.

In simple terms I segmented the database of customers based on spend and frequency. Pretty basic stuff.

One question stuck out though.

"Shouldn't we treat all our customers the same, though?" one of the sales team asked.

She had a point of sorts.

Yes we should treat all our customers as friends and be as courteous and helpful as possible. After all without customers we have no business.

But, not all customers are created the same. Some are worth a lot to the company and some aren't. The value of our service varies wildly from orders of £6 right up to orders in the millions or pounds. This is great because we've worked out how to work in the long tail.

But to achieve this we've automated our services. If you have a small order then you can pay online, you still get the same professional delivering the service but we have less admin and we make a decent profit. The customers are happy because they got what the wanted and we're happy we supplied it at a decent profit.

Were some people get stuck, is that they have been brain washed about customer service, which is great, but they forget to put that into perspective. They are quite happy to spend an hour with a customer with a job for £40, and basically oversell the service.

How would you feel if every time you ordered a Big Mac the counter staff went into a depth about how they made the burger, the bun the sauce, what McDonald's over all strategy was on everything in the world? You'd just say, "give the burger!"

Not all customers are the same, sorry. Some are worth more, it's capitalism.

How to rank high using link bait

I use link bait on my site www.appliedlanguage.com it has loads of articles, map, fonts, free translation tools. Unfortunately I'm not using it as much as I could this this blog on link baiting will be my bible an should be yours too. There are no clever bit of code or complex algos to learn just common sense advice.

Wok This Way - Chinese Delight in Sheffield

Wouldn't you love your Chinese take-away to entertain you as well as feed you. Wok This Way in Walkley in Sheffield manages it at every point.

First the name, I defy you not to smile when you say it. It's the perfect name, it's probably not unique but I don't care.

The shop front has a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory feel, you walk in and the place is empty other than the lady at the counter. You place your order and suddenly the two chefs appear. They fire up the Woks and flames and pots and ladles begin to fly. Again that smile creeps across your face.

Then it's all over, the foods freshly packaged and off you go. I'm sure they deliver too, but that way you miss the entertainment and the whole feel of it.

If you visit Sheffield, then you need to Wok This Way.

They just need a website. I'll add the phone number and address when I get home tonight.

Bad PowerPoint

I'm currently evangelising good PowerPoint at my company. We run by the Beyond Bullet Points and Presentation Zen rules of visualising points and telling a story rather than the standard Look and Read school.

If you are still part of the Look and Read school then you need to read this post but great post by Seth Godin on Bad PowerPoint.

Read, learn, ingest ...stop boring people to death!

The art of PR without PR

Chris Anderson as ever gives good blog, with deep and meaningful insight (I wish I could too)

This time on the long tail of PR.

If you haven't read "Long Tail" what have you been doing, buy it now and realise the way forward, yes it is that good!

Best Practices for Title Tags

SEOmoz Blog Best Practices for Title Tags

Over on SEOmoz, there's the best article I've seen in a while on whiting title tags.

As with most things you should write for the reader, not for yourself and definately not for a search engine. Writing for search engines make get you the visits you want, but they won't get you any quality.

As any direct marketer knows its converstion that counts.

Found a webmaster

Finally I found my webmaster. Krishan starts in February and I think I've got a good catch, he'll be maintaining the site and doing the SEO for it, luckily its in a good state so he can only improve it really.

I had real trouble finding a good candidate. After talking to a few people it seems I was a bit naive, everyone wants webmasters and SEO staff, but there aren't enough people. So I feel lucky that I found Krishan.

When I looked on Monster (UK) for SEO it gave no results which amazed me, clearly there's a skills gap or people don't know what to put in CV's.

Still if they can't optimise their CV's what hope have they with a website?

Job for a Web Master

Things are really busy and I'm looking to hire a full time Web Master at our head office in Huddersfield to work on http://www.appliedlanguage.com/.

The site is probably the busiest website for translation in the world and recently won a Webby Award. Here's the job description, if you're interested drop me an email.

Job Title – Web Master

Wage Band - £14K - £17K (depending on experience)

Office – Huddersfield

Essential requirements
Knowledge of ASP, PHP, (X)HTML and CSS.
Web Design and Graphics Skills
Knowledge of Search Engine Optimisation (SEO)
Examples of previous websites worked on
Excellent English
Energetic and full of ideas

Desired
Knowledge of Content Management systems
Ability to write copy and articles
Marketing qualification

Experience
At least 2 years web design/development experience (not necessarily in business)

Leaving an impression and making a sale

Today I did the sales shopping. With two young children this isn't easy, after several hours and lots of shops it's even harder.

I needed some new jeans so we ended our day in Debenhams sale. I found a few bargains one was a great coat. It should have been £70, but was reduced to £32 and then reduced further to £25. It was a total bargain so I took it to the till.

The assistant scanned my label and £32 came up. I said that the label said that the coat was £25 so the assistant checked with the girl in charge. She said "That's been marked with a red pen, we only use Black, I can sell it at £32 but not at £25."

It was busy, and still a bargain at £32 so I bought it anyway.

Later my wife pointed out that she thought the assistant had inferred that we had tampered with the label, without saying as much.

I'm sure the manager didn't mean any harm, but that perception is there now.

I wonder why with a full shop the manager didn't just sell the coat at the price marked regardless. She would have had a very happy family of customers and not left a bad taste in our mouths.

She was busy, but for the sake of a few quid she could have had a raving fan not just a happy shopper.

Like a finger pointing to the moon

Finally found the clip of Finger pointing to the Moon, from Enter the Dragon. Priceless.

Bruce Lee Video Clip

This is the best adaptation of a Bruce Lee Clip I've ever seen. Plus it uses Star Wars effects.

This is 70's kid heaven!

Invest in copy

Seth Godin, points to one of the greatest sins in advertising.

• Just do pretty pictures

People forget the copy. On a bill board, pictures are king, the copy should be minimal (how much can you read at 40mph?)

On press ads and all other handheld print, not forgetting websites. Copy is king all the pretty pictures will get you is two more seconds attention. In that two seconds you need to grip the customer and get them to buy.

Only words can do that. Invest in them and they pay off 100 times.

BBC underestimate cost of translation

A recent report by the BBC into the cost of Translation by the UK Government estimated that they spend £100 Million per year.

The nation gasped, how could they spend all that. Well the nation don't know the half of it.

I work in translation and I recon that the cost is more like £500 Million! It's all hidden costs you see. Translation disappears into Marketing (yes me again), mysterious project costs and a million (500 to be exact) other things.

If only they bought it in a more sensible way and used Translation Memory and Telephone interpreting they'd save a huge amount.

As you'd expect, as Head of Marketing for Applied Language, I've done a bit of work on this already.

Here are the press releases for more information, oh yes and the podcast.

Google are human! At last I can call them!

After all this time, someone at Google has a phone number! At last there will be someone to speak to, even if it's only for Adwords it's a start.

I just got this email, you'll get one soon. But in case it gets lost in Spam here it is:


Hello,

Thank you for advertising with the Google AdWords program.

As part of our ongoing efforts to provide you with the best service possible, we are pleased to offer you the opportunity to contact our AdWords specialists by telephone. You can now call our dedicated local rate number.

If you are calling from the UK, please dial: 0845 358 0038, alternatively if you are calling from the Republic of Ireland, please dial: 1890 94 3980.

Then, for fastest service please follow the instructions below:

1. To expedite your call, press 2 to enter your Customer ID. This number is located at the top of every page in your AdWords account, next to your name and email address.

2. Press 3 if you do not have your Customer ID available and would like to be transferred to the next available AdWords Specialist.

You can reach our AdWords Specialists by phone Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, between the hours of 9a.m and 6p.m and on Tuesday and Friday from 9a.m to 5p.m.

As always, we are happy to assist you in any way possible.

Please also feel free to contact us via email at adwords-uk@google.com, and we will reply within one business day.

We look forward to providing you with the most effective advertising available.

Sincerely,
The Google AdWords UK and Ireland Team

How not to Translate or Interpret

In my line of work you hear a lot of stories about how companies have someone who speaks french, or they have a relative who can write Chinese.

So they use these people to translate or interpret and they end up with a terrible job. But there are a few reasons why they might continue to use these friends, for translation.

1. They don't have any understanding of the languages so have no way to check the quality
2. They are too embarrassed to tell their friend/colleague that they are doing a bad job
3. They are too blinded by the cost of a professional translation or interpretation to pay for a professional

All three are really bad reasons. Would you trust an accountant to fix your car?

Then why trust one to translate for you?

Here's a great clip from the Catherine Tate show in the UK. It Illustrates my point perfectly.

Reg Vardy the worst possible customer service Part 1

A few months ago I went to buy a new car with my wife. We wanted a Citroen Picasso, nice car, just right for the kids. We figured Reg Vardy in Sheffield would do us a good deal and give good service. We couldn't have been more wrong.

Here is a copy of the letter and email we sent to Reg Vardy and Citroen to complain. I'm still waiting too months after for a good answer.

I've removed actual names, Reg Vardy is the one who should be ashamed of hiring and training their staff. It's not the staff's fault that they are allowed to work in this manner. Here goes, enjoy. Let me know what you think.

Would you ever buy a car from these people?

I am writing to complain about the appalling service I received from your team at Reg Vardy Citroen, on Penistone Road, Sheffield. On 17th September 2006, my wife and I visited the dealership and spoke to XXXX XXXXX, one of your sales representatives and informed him that we were interested in test driving a Citroen Picasso. After a lot of deliberation he found us a Picasso in our price range on your system. We were told however that it was in Sunderland and would need to be brought to Sheffield for us to test drive it and this would be done within the next few days. We were asked to leave a deposit of £100 to secure the vehicle and told that if we were not happy with it after a test drive we could have the deposit back. We were not totally happy about leaving a deposit but did so any way as a show of faith in the company.

As the following week wore on, we received no phone calls from XXXX or Reg Vardy. On Friday 22nd of September we received a message on our answer machine at home from XXXX saying that he had trying to get hold of us all week to give us an update on where we were with the car. This was the first message we received. I called him back on Saturday 23rd September and was told that the car would be in early the next week. I then waited and heard nothing so I called the dealer on Thursday 28th September and spoke to a man called XXXXX who said he was the sales manager. He said that he would check on the progress of the car and call me back in five minutes. He actually called 2½ hours later, and said that the car should be ready to see at the weekend.

We then called on Friday 29th September 2006 and were told that the car was in and having its checks and would be available to test drive on Saturday. We agreed that we would test drive on Saturday 30th September 2006 at 2.00pm. We arranged a babysitter for our children and arrived at the showroom at about 1.50pm with my father-in-law who we brought along to help us assess the car.

When we arrived, XXXX looked for the car in the back lot and couldn’t find it. He said it had been there 40 minutes earlier (approx. 1.10pm), he then went back into the office and said that it was in the mechanic’s garage and he would take us in there to see it. He then took us into the garage to show us the car which was up on a ramp without its wheels and brakes. I assumed it was part way through its checks. At this point I said to XXXX that I was upset because we had been promised that we could test drive the car and arranged child care to fit this in. I then said that I wanted to cancel the deal and wanted my deposit returned. My father-in-law then mentioned a scratch he had seen on the passenger side of the car. XXXX then became quite aggressive and asked who my father-in-law was. He then said that he didn’t want to discuss the matter any more in the garage and wanted us to speak to the manager.

Reg Vardy the worst possible customer service Part 2

We sat down in the showroom and a man who I believe was called XXXX came over to talk to us. XXXX apologised for the lack of communication and the fact the car wasn’t ready when it had been promised. He said that the garage closed at 12.00pm and that “these things happen”. This contradicted what XXXX said about the car being outside and ready to test drive 40 minutes earlier. This is impossible if the garage section closed at 12.00pm.

Alan then asked why we wanted to cancel the deal, I explained that we had been waiting for 2 weeks for a test drive receiving no communication about the progress, and that when we had arrived at the time arranged, the car wasn’t able to be driven. He then offered to give us a courtesy car for a week which was of no benefit to us as we already have two working cars. This to and fro discussion with XXXX and XXXX went on for about 10-15 minutes with them trying to change my mind in what I consider an aggressive manner. At this point my mind was made up and I just wanted my deposit back and to leave.

I reiterated that I still wanted to cancel and have my deposit returned to my card. XXXX said that he couldn’t do this straight away because there was no one in Finance. I have experience of credit card machines and I know that it is possible to credit back a transaction in minutes. However, XXXX was becoming quite aggressive in the middle of the showroom and I decided not to pursue the issue. I agreed that the transaction could be credited on my card on Monday when the Finance department was open. I left my credit card details on a compliments slip with XXXX and then asked if I could have a compliment slip in return with a signature from a manager to say that the transaction would be carried out on Monday. I was told by XXXX “I’m not putting may name to anything, you can’t have anything signed”.

I saw this as a reasonable request. But this seemed to enrage XXXX who asked us to step into another office. When we refused XXXX asked us to leave the premises and pushed my father- in-law out of the door. My father-in-law fell onto the floor on the forecourt outside. He is 68 years old and is quite frail on his legs. My wife was visibly upset at this point as she was very worried about her dad who has had surgery on his knee and the fall caused him pain around this area. My father-in-law was left on the floor by the people involved in the fracas, and as the argument continued we helped my father-in-law to his feet and I called the Police to report the incident. They issued me with a crime number, and as I write we are waiting for the Police to interview my wife, father-in-law and me.

I am writing this on Sunday 1st October 2006 and shall be calling Reg Vardy on Penistone Road on Monday to see if my deposit has been credited.

The main points of my complaint are:

• The aggressive sales tactics of the staff at Reg Vardy Citroen on Penistone Road Sheffield.
• The lack of communication regarding the arrival and test drive of the car.
• The fact that even after we had confirmed that we would visit the showroom on Saturday at 2.00pm the car was not drivable
• The aggressive nature of the staff when I asked for my deposit back
• The delay in returning the deposit
• And finally and most importantly the assault of my father-in-law.

I await a swift response to this complaint

Yours sincerely

I got the deposit back, by cheque. Not Credit Card as they said I would.

I'm still waiting for a response.

If you work for Reg Vardy I hope you read this. If you are thinking of buying a car from Reg Vardy I hope you read this too.

How to find the right links for your site

Over on SEOmoz there's great article about getting the right links to help your site rank. It's quite a long process, but well worth it.

Take a look, I know I'll be referring back to it a lot.

Getting the right links

Charles Handy Guide to Management Gurus

If your looking for inspiration you could do worse than begin here. With Charles Handy's guide to management. One of my favourites Tom Peters is listed, plus a few I've never heard of.

I'll be looking through and seeing what inspiration I can find.

Social media 101, how to actually do it

Just checked back and found this useful how to guide for Social Media Press Releses.

No excuse now!

Social Media and Press Releases, How it all works

I'm still getting to grips with PR in general. It's not my bag, that's why I have a PR Executive now. And very good she is too.

I keep reading about social media: Digg, Delicious etc. And I've tried to use it, but struggled. There's no definitive way to handle it and it all seems to vague to me.

I know I should be doing this, but it seems a lot of effort for not much return. I just found this blog by Brian Solis which helps to explain it a lot better. I'll give it a go and see if it helps me. I think you shold too.

Good luck.

Proofreading - the 30 minute rule

I've been writing copy for a long time, articles, mailing packs, websites, emails, shopping list and now a blog.

I'm not the greatest writer but I like to think creatively. Doing that means that on occasion I come up with an idea that really works well. The problem is that my mind works quicker than my fingers and in my rush to get a piece of writing out I read over my mistakes and even when I try really hard they can still creep through. That kind of kills the idea.

The obvious thing is to have someone proofread everything. That's fine, but I work at a small company and everyone is very busy. Sure they look and read but they are busy and trust that I've got things right. So they look past things too.

This is a real demon I'm struggling with, my keystrokes are my job. So a little thing I've come up with may help. It may help you to. I don't claim to have invented this, maybe I read it somewhere. Sorry if this is actually your idea. Anyway here it is.

30 Minute Rule

When you finish some copy and everyone has had their input and all the corrections have gone in and you're ready to send it out.

STOP!

Put the copy to one side for 30 minutes and then re-read it.

You'll read it with fresh eyes and may spot those little things which will haunt you if you send out your communication with them in.

Nothing will spoil for 30 minutes, but a rushed out email, mailshot, ad, website or god help you shopping list. Could haunt you for a very, very long time.

Tattoo Translations

How would you feel if you'd had a tattoo in a foreign language and then discovered years later that what you thought said "Happiness" really said "Ugly" or "Stupid". Once it's there there's no moving it.

We'll now you can be sure that your tattoo says what you think it does. Applied Language have a new online system which allows you to enter your text online and have a professional translator do your translation.

No more asking the man in the Chinese Restaurant!

Enter the Dragon

The wisdom of Bruce Lee

"Don't think feel. It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger all you will miss all the heavenly glory."

Professional online translation

Most online translation is done by machine. It's very good, and the best is about 51% accurate which when you think about it is amazing!

The only problem is that the other 49% in inaccurate.

Don't get me wrong machine translation is a great way to find out the gist of a text you can't read yourself. But it can't beat translation by a human. The problem with professional translation though is that it can be expensive to get good quality translation.

So on the Applied Language we've added a new service for Professional Online Translation.
This is and idea service for having Tattoos and Mottos translated which is a huge area. There are so many instances of bad tattoo translations it's frightening David Beckham, Britney Spears the list goes on.

All you need to do is log on type your text, pay only £6 and the translation will be delivered back to you via email in 24hrs.

Indian workforce moving up the ranks

A recent report from the BBC points out that India is having a problem finding enough graduates to fill the jobs they need in India. The cream of the crop from the Indian schools are being lured by the big US and European companies with large salaries and bonuses.

This is just another stage of the circle, in a short time this will spread from India to China to Russia and back to Europe and the US again. The world works in peaks and troughs of power and this is another blip on the way to the world levelling off until another major differentator comes along.

Who knows maybe agriculture will be the next big thing?

Google to by YouTube?

The BBC have just reported that Google are looking to buy YouTube

I'm not surprised by this Google already has Google video which is very similar to YouTube. The guys a Mountain View are just aquiring eyeballs, plus according to the report, a headfull of copywrite headaches.

Well they can just be added to the problems with the book scanning
idea.

Spam reporting checklist

I've posted before about spam. My day job involves (shock) getting people to buy things. I'm old fashioned I know but as far as I know that's what Marketing is all about.

On my site we have a section for people to leave details to ask for a quote. It's very clear what this form is for, there are no tricks. At the end we even tell you we'll be in touch.

Yet when I go back to the list of people who visited the form and left their details to contact them to see if they would still like information. They get shirty, accuse me of invading their space and abusing their email in box. Some, especially AOL users, reach for the "Report Spam" button.

Now, I'm ethical, I only contact people who come to me. I don't buy lists and I always include an automatic unsubscribe link.

Here are a few tips to deal with spam in a proper way

1. Don't fill in forms on sites you never want to hear from
2. When you receive something you don't recognise, check for an unsubscribe link/system and use it.
3. If you're not certain that will happen then reply to the email.
4. If the reply address is not valid, then just delete the email.

Real hard core spammers, don't care if they are marked as spam, they move so quickly it'll never stop them. Save yourself the time and anxiety and just delete or unsubscribe.

Stop using Flash Splash Pages

On SEOmoz, I found this very good article on why not to use Flash Splash pages

This is a great article which gives all the right answers as to why it's a total waste of time energy and money to have a Flash Splash page on your site.

What staggers me is that people still need to be told that this is a very bad idea. It was a bad idea back in 1998 when I worked on my first ever site, and it's still a bad idea.

Reg Vardy Sheffield

Deleted this entry til I've all the facts straight and talked to Reg Vardy Head Office. I'll post again when things are clearer.

Really not happy at all!

Another Bloody good idea

I'm sure I've said before, but if not I'll say it again. The best ideas are really simple but they need to engage.

Another Bloody Water, is the best example I seen in quite a while. To me water's water and I can't be the only one. This Australian company have the same point of view.

They're hitting the niche that's ironic as well as the one that doesn't care which water they drink. Now they can make a great anti-statement.

At last! - The Atomium Saved!

the cool hunter - KIDS SPHERE HOTEL - Cocoons for sleeping

I used to work in travel, well coach tours really (is that travel?). Anyway, we did tours to Brussels and one of the best pictures was the Atomium. Problem was it looked great, but was in the middle of nowhere and it was rusting.

I just popped on to Boing Boing and found that great link. The Atomium has been saved and is now a really cool retro-science type hotel. What an improvement, can they pop to Sheffield and help us out please? We've getting mowed over with drab urbanite ghettos!

Long tail on YouTube

I know that YouTube is now becoming old hat. Yes, it nothing new anymore, but it's now becoming the long tail of clips I used to search for in vain.

I just found a jem I'd forgotten about from a UK comedy series Big Train. Big Train never had a big following but produced some of the funniest things I've ever seen on TV. I wish it would be repeated (hint to any one who has influence).

One of the best things on it is the Staring Competition, which is a masterly piece of simplicity, the animation hardly moves and the focus is so strong. It's a perfection of understatement and that's what makes it so great. Enough waffle here's the clip.



These clips I've been adding recently don't really fit with the site and I'm sorry. But apart from being pearls of comedy, they demonstrate a few of the best marketing practices available.

1. Simplicity
2. Engagement
3. Passive Interaction
4. Word of mouth
5. Long Tail
6. Perfect targeting

My lovely horse video

This is totally unrelated to anything I've posted before, but I love Father Ted and found a wikipedia entry on it while randomly surfing. My lovely Horse is a brilliant song, and once I found it I had to post it.

Enjoy

Really, Really, Really Bad Powerpoint!

Presentation Zen: Your moment of Zen
I'm a convert to the Presentation Zen way of putting together presentations. In my office we have a strict no bullets rule, I use only high quality graphics so that audiences listen to me rather than read a screen. Plus, I don't spend time looking at the same screen and reading parrot fashion what they can see for themselves.

Presentations now have a lot more life. I'm still learning, but it's a lot more fun.

Take a look at Presentation Zen and see how it will improve your presentations.

Daily Show Moment of Zen - American Madness!

In the UK for those with only PMT* the only way to see the Daily Show with John Stewart is on Digital Freeview on the More 4 Channel.

For me the Daily Show started off as a curiosity to see if a sense of humour existed in the states. It's now become compulsive viewing not least because of the odd UK comedy star appearance Dave Gorman in particular.

Anyway, apart from the ridiculous utterances of President Bush one of the highlights is the Moment of Zen at the end of each show. Tonight's was particularly cutting.

I can't find a clip but this is a very rough transcription:

TV terror Pundit:
"24 is one of the most popular TV programmes in the US today, and for me
the struggles of Jack Bower against the forces of terrorism is the biggest
endorsement of the {Bush administrations} war on terror I can think of."

I'm no TV exec or political pundit, but how the hell can this woman look herself in the mirror!

*Poor Man's Telly

Google develop machine translation tools

The Daily Californian reports today on the announcement by Google that they are taking their Machine Translation service to a higher level.

I have a vested interest in Google and in Machine Translation. On my site we offer free translation tools as a service to the public who want to get the gist of a foreign text. The service is free from our site because it drives traffic and is a perfect leader service to our professional translation service.

The issue for us is that while it's free on our site it costs us to keep it running. Google's entry into machine translation will help this because their entry into these markets always leads to a drop in service charges across the board and an increase in development as the service providers move up a notch to keep up.

Robbie Rotten on Wikipedia

The proof that Wikipedia is the ultimate Long Tail website is the in the fact that it has an entry dedicated to Robbie Rotten and the kids TV programme Lazy Town.

For those without children under at least 6. Lazy Town is one of the strangest, compulsive children's shows on TV at the moment. My two year old can only just speak, but he can sing the tune to Lazy Town!

Now that's perfect marketing!

Bad translation makes you look really dumb!

Jerusalem? Never heard of it - Yahoo! News

Yet another in the long line of bad translations, not proofread which just make organisations look really stupid. In this case Jerusalem they translated "Jerusalem. There is no city like it!" to "Jerusalem. There is no such city!".

My geography is lousy but I know Jerusalem exists!

How normal people can avoid spam filters

Some people have mentioned that emails they send to customers get caught up in Spam Filters. These aren't people trying to spam these are people trying to get on with thier jobs which involves sending email to customers. The customers don’t check thier spam boxes for legitimate email and then get upset because they feel the email hasn’t been sent. So I thought I’d put together a few tips to see if I can help.

1. Be careful about what you put in your subject line. This is the most important line of any email.
2. In general avoid words like offer, discount, sale, deal, free. Spam filters tend to mark these as spam straight away. If you need to use these, do it sparingly.
3. Make sure subject lines are as descriptive as possible. Subject lines like “Project hg5689020” are likely to get caught in Spam. Also they don’t look good to customers, who may just delete it anyway.
4. Use the name of the person you’re emailing in the subject line.
5. Ask your contact to add you to their address book.
6. Follow-up with a phone call and ask them to check their Spam box.
7. Avoid large files on the first email you send.
8. Always have spell checking on, spammers tend to creatively spell their content and some spam filters pick this up. Also it looks more professional.
9. If you have a really important email, run it through the Lyris spam checker. It gives a good idea if your email will be picked up by spam filters and what’s causing the problem.
10. Let me know if you have any more of your own.

Write how you speak!

Over on Tom Peters Blog, he posts about people speaking and writing in a way they can't understand themselves.

This is one of the first things I did when I started my current job last year. The staff seemed to take on another body when they had to write a letter of email. They suddenly use words they'd never used before and didn't understand. Even worse the customers didn't understand either.

The letters and emails looked like a dictionary had been emptied on the screen.

The best advice I've ever had was from Courtney Ferguson a great DM copy writer (I wish she had a blog). Her advice was write how you speak, be personal, engage, do something unexpected. Her copy is joy to read and the best bit is it sells too. You don't notice it though. That's the best bit.

I pass this on to anyone who'll listen. Please do the same.

Microsoft play catch-up again

BBC NEWS Technology Microsoft to launch YouTube rival

Microsoft are lagging behind again and announcing copy-cat products due to be launched in several months. This time they're pitching against YouTube.

Microsoft need to stop this, fix the mess they've already created and then maybe come up with new innovative ideas.

No one trusts them, the reason YouTube has taken off is exactly because it's not run by Microsoft. All they're doing is bringing YouTube to light for the people who haven't heard of it. YouTube must be delighted that Microsoft have given them loads of free adverting.

Essential reading for building your website.

Content Publishing, Controlling Costs, Scaling Profits & Link Bait: Being Small & Competing With Big Fish

This is an invaluable post on how to develop a site and keep users interested, build links, authority and a great online brand.

Read it now! Bookmark it! Send it to your friends!

Blogging is spreading to the non-web generation

Last night my Mother in Law suddenly said to me "What's blogging?". Now this is not her usual type of question, normally it's how are you, you look tired or do you want a coffee. So I was a bit taken a back to say the least.

She'd heard about it on Radio 4 I think, the discussion was about the bloggers in the Iraq war and how they'd got news out during the conflict via blogs. At first she didn't see how she could get involved until I mentioned that it would be ideal to help her with her political ideas. At this she seemed to spark to life and asked me to show her a few blogs the next time she visited. Maybe she'll feel enthused enough to start her own. I hope so, because it's people like her who can do something great with blogs and not just the normal "Cat Blog".

Hopefully I'll be highlighing her blog soon.

Email is Still the Key to a Successful Link Building Campaign

SEOmoz Blog Email is Still the Key to a Successful Link Building Campaign

Great article on link building. Building these relationships takes a lot of time and effort. To give a case study, one which I'd built up changed their entire site for us and started to bring in more referrals than Google! The only approach I'd made once the initial links were on was to ask if they had any ideas how we could help each other.

Two months later the unique users rose from 20,000 per day to over 70,000!

These new referrals helped us take a whole new direction with the site and hopefully implement a new business model as well.

How to enter the Chinese Market

Sometime I forget I work in the translation business on this website. To to redress the balance here's a great article on John Yunkers Blog.

Everyone want to get into China. The opportunities are massive, but you need to be very careful about how you take your brand forward or things could turn out very badly.

» The Good, The Bad and The 难 看 Global By Design: The Web Globalization Resource

The lesson to take a way from all this is that translation is a skill like any other and putting your brand in amateur hands is not advisable.

Is this the worlds worst spammer?

Is this the worst ever spam?

I can think of a few reasons for this terrible attempt at spamming:

The guy is just really bad at this and should get back his real job.

He's a trainee and it's his first day.

It's a very very clever attempt to fool me into thinking that there is no way this could be spam, who would be so stupid.

Maybe it's a viral email from a Marketing Company trying to be cutting edge.

I'm no spammer but I'd guess one simple rule could be not to use anarchy in the email address you use.

Whatever the reason it's just really bad.

When you can't give away beer!

I'm not sure about you but, if someone offered me a free beer just for the time it would take for them to tell me about a new job I'm interested I think I'd pop in.

Even just for the free beer and then I'd just nod at the person talking, thank them for the beer and disappear.

Well not in Huddersfield. This is exactly what we did, we flyered commuters for two days trying to recruit Industry Managers, we gave free apples, we had a stilt walker we offered free beer!

Take a look at the details on the website.

What did we do wrong, or was it just Huddersfield?

Maybe it all looks to good to be true? Would you like the benefits we offer?

• FREE Parking
• FREE Lunches (Monday to Thursday)
• FREE Fruit
• FREE t-shirts and winter jacket
• FREE Laptop and Broadband access at home
• FREE MP3 player
• FREE 20 minute massages
• Out of town location
• Plus one 'Duvet Day' each year
• Plus your birthday off each year

I just don't know what more we could have done to entice the great people of Huddersfield, maybe nothing?

Looking to hire

I'm trying to employ a PR executive in my day job at Applied Language.

I looking for a really enthusastic person who can come in and help take the PR forward, I don't have the time or the training to do it justice.

Here's the job spec. If you want more details then jump over to the website.

Position: Marketing & PR Executive
Office: Huddersfield

Role
This role will cover the development of Applied Language’s PR.

This will include:
Liaison with both Trade and news press representatives.

• Writing Press Releases
• Co-ordinating events
• Handling on-line PR activity, including posting on forums and other social media.
• Writing and proofreading copy for the website and printed publications
• Research for articles and information for the website
• Working with the international offices to co-ordinate Marketing and PR activity

Essential Requirements

• Degree in marketing and PR
• Experience of putting together press releases
• Strong English language skills
• Good IT Skills
• Knowledge of internet and marketing techniques

Additional information
The successful candidate will need to be highly motivated and able to react and change direction quickly. They need to be outgoing and be able to build relationships with key people in the media and within the company.

This is the ideal role for a new graduate who wants to make a mark in the new media with a fast growing business.

If this suits you then drop me an email.

Law of economics - Pah!

I'm not very good at maths but clever statistical theories impress me. The long tail in particular makes great sense but it turns out that even monkeys can create a long tail (excuse the pun).

It's all nature in the end!

Seth's Blog: What should Starbucks do?

Seth Godin just posted another fantastic little nugget of insight

Seth's Blog: What should Starbucks do?

Yet again he get's straight to the point with common sense advice which in any large company would get caught by the lawyers.

My tip, by-pass them. Say you thought it was ok if they pick up on it.

Chances are they won't and you'll have a better customer experience. There's a reason your company lawyer has his own office and isn't let out into the real world.

The Long Tail

I’ve just started to read The Long Tail. And for an economics book it’s great read, it’s actually been really hard to put down, no honest.

The main point is that the web now offers the widest spread of products available not just the hits which are at the head of the tail. All this starts to become really obvious once you begin to read it also shows why lots of traditional bricks and mortar companies have struggled with going into e-commerce.

I worked at one and they just couldn’t get out of the shelf idea that only the best sellers a should be available and they could get their heads around cross promotion.

Still to finish the Long Tail but so far it’s more insightful than The World is Flat was.

The missing Spam email loop

We've all sent email which appear to have disappeared until you ask the person you sent it to to look in the spam folder and see if it's there.

I've had many a fraught conversation over this which could have been solved if there was a Spam email loop. The bones of the system must already exist the same way out of office does or the undeliverable message.

All that's needed is a message that says "your email has been marked as spam". You can then contact the person to tell them. This would also help with the Spammer problem, because they would get so many of these messages that the admin would stop their systems.

If you know of any system like this please let me know. I'd definitely use it.

Ethics in Marketing, who'd have thought it!

Seth Godin makes a good point about Marketers ethics, I kind of agree. I've never thought about the waste too much when I posted millions of bits of paper over the years.

I've never had qualms about it because it is a legitimate tool for doing my job. Now my work is nearly all digital there's no physical waste but the waste could now be time.

Great piece Seth!

Adsense Test

From my previous post, I thought I'd try a test and see if I can change the Google ad to some thing totally unrelated by only mentioning the word once.

Sausage

There you go, won't type it again. Lets see what happens.

If the ad changes to relate the word then I have to call into question how Google's ads work. Clearly no other posts mention that word and the blog is totally off that subject.

Odd things on Google Adsense

In a post I put on this morning I used the word "Lady". This is the only mention of this word in my entire blog. But as soon as I posted it, the Google Adsense ad at the top of the blog, suddenly mentioned "ladies shoes".

I know my blog is still pretty new, but that is the most absurd and irrelevant ad I've seen in a while. I feel sorry for the poor site, who has that as an impression on their Adsense account.

This post has probably maintained that ad as I've just mentioned ladies again. Hope the wife's not reading ;-)

PR (press releases) to help your website

PR the old kind not Google Page Rank. Is a great tool and always has been. The tricky thing is working out the impact of it and assigning return on investment on it. I'm a direct marketer at heart and like to know how much I'm paying for my responses and how much I'm making.

Traditional PR has never been able to provide that. It's always been a finger in the air measurement. However web based PR changes all that. When someone reads your Press Release they can do an number of things to spread it, blog it, link to it and even come straight to your site. Over on Online Marketing Blog they've kindly listed a whole bunch of great resources for online PR.

For my two pence worth, the best way is to work long and hard and build strong relationships with key players in your niche. But you have to start some where and the online distribution areas are a perfect place

The best page jacking nutter email in a long while

Over on SEOMoz I found a great little article about page jacking. Page jacking for mere mortals is a waste of time, Google will see it as duplicate content and it will probably lower your serps.

The great thing abut this article is the link to a email exchange with a lady who thought some one had page jacked her site. In this instance and little knowledge does you know good at all. Then add on paranoia and you have a very funny, if long winded email rant.

I was right! Write for humans not search engines!

Paranoia has been raking me. Should I SEO my site or not?

Matt Cutts gives a cheeky insight into the direction Google appear to be taking. This is one of Matt's best blogs to date, but ensure you read between the lines I think he's giving an internet fable.

"The world is flat" - the trust issue

I'm getting through "The World is Flat". It's a great book, if several hundred words too long (get an editor Thomas). It's opened my eyes to what can be achieved when you look a little further afield than you would normally. Already I gained a small buying advantage buy going directly to China and bypassing the usual middle men involved.

The main issue in all this is trust. Yes it's great to be able to source from China and make a saving on budget. But how do you really know what you'll get when the world is only email flat? My point is that I'm only making a small order, I can't afford to visit the factory, it would wipe out my saving. So I have to trust the supplier. I hope I can.

SEO or No SEO?

What do you do with your site. Obviously you want to be ranked on Google and the other search engines.

There are a lot of things you can do to get there.

• Inbound Links
• Keyword Density
• Getting the right title for your page
• Clean Code
• Link Bait
• and million other things

But there seems to be paranoia doing the rounds check out Webmaster World.
Should you do these deliberately? How does Google know if these are deliberate or not?

I don't know the answer, maybe Matt Cutts does? I'm sure he won't tell.

If you know or know a man who does, please tell me.

Free translation added

You may have noticed I've added free translation to the blog. This is a service my company website offers, you can download it free from here Website translation.

This is only machine translation, but it gives a very good idea of the content all you need do is click the corresponding flag. And the site instantly translates.

I added this after taking a look at my Google Analytics and spotting that I have French visitors.

Au revoir!

Continual learning a missed trick

Most people realise that continual learning throughout life is a good idea. Trouble is that so same people can't be bothered doing it. There are so many things to do in a day where the hell are you going to fit learning something in.

At my work for Applied Language, a translation agency, we have a range of offices around the world: UK, USA, Bulgaria, Guatemala and France. Keeping all these people at the top of their game, in the company culture and continually learning is a tough job. Especially as we are a relatively small company only 44.

One of the many ways we achieve all three of thee things is by book competitions. Now this starts to sound very old and kind of school like. Well in a way it is. Every few months we read a business book.

We've done:

1. Eat that Frog (time management)
2. Fish (attitude)
3. Broken Windows (little things help)
4. and we've just done Who moved my cheese (coping with change)

We distribute the books several weeks before the competition to give plenty of time and then hold the quiz online using Survey Monkey.

All the entries are scored and the employee with the highest mark wins £150 ortheirr national equivalent.

All the staff take part from the MD down.

We're now taking this a step further and buying audio books as we've already given all the staff MP3 players.

This is a really easy way to achieve inter-department/country competition and continual learning.

Link building 101

Like most people I hate link building. It's a an evil you can't live without unfortunately.

Luckily Andy Hagans and Aaron Wall have put together a 101 of link building. This give great ideas and lots of information not just on what works but why it works.

I've already bookmarked the great links on here I need.

Cheers to both of you.

Top ten tips for Web Site optimisation

I love top 10 tips and these are great. Simple and straight forward just how things should be.

Marketing Profs have the answers

Things that bug me about Microsoft No1

No. 1 of an incidental series

Why is the Empty "Deleted Items" Folder in Microsoft Outlook under Tools and not Actions?

Emptying is an action.

England due to suffer in the flat world

One of the main themes of "The World is Flat" is that the decline in science being studied in the US means that the future of scientific development will ultimately move to the new developing countries: China, India and Russia. This is because of the pent up scientific knowledge and the ethos of a cultures yearning to learn more and more.

Evidence of this has now been reported in the UK. I know a lot of people who are worried about a flattening world and the loss of UK jobs to immigrants and overseas workers. The trouble is that they only see the disappearance of "traditional" manufacturing and labour intensive work.

They haven't twigged that the high level scientific and creative thinking will soon leave these shores as the developing countries continue to absorb knowledge.

Please sit up and take notice! You're all watching a game which already finished!

Your real website visitors are people!

Though search engines can only see and index text at the moment, they’re not your real visitors.

People are!

Any website should be built for humans. And there’s nothing that gives people more information than a picture. Your website can have the best possible description of your service or product but words are always down to interpretation. A picture on the other hand can take the place of a million words.

But be careful. Not just any old image will do. Be very careful to add the best pictures you can get hold of and make sure they are in character with your brand. For example I’d advise charities to steer clear of highly polished obviously professional pictures, because it portrays the wrong emotion.

From my time as a designer and a paper based marketer I know that the one thing people love to see is other people. A human face especially on a website is a really good idea. And an even better is real people, yes that means you and your staff.

When that’s not possible get hold of the best images you can, but remember the last point.

Here are a few great places for images which are either free or only $1.

The best one - iStock
Good and free - Morguefile
Good and free as well, good for backgrounds and textures- Image After

Search Engine Optomisation - Where to start?

Search Engine Optimisation (SEO) is now an essential part of any competent website. Whether it's handled in-house or sub contracted to a specialist company.

Without SEO you just have a bunch of really expensive graphics and text that only the people in your company ever see (oh and their parents and families).

Getting your site to number one in Google is most companies aim, but not everyone can be no 1 for every term. So the best idea is to find the niche terms that convert into whatever your company needs from its website, sales leads, downloads etc.

Search engines now run a large part of the world because so many people depend on them. So getting your pages to no1 is ever more relevant.

Here are a few of the places you can get more detailed info on what the latest developments are and how you can use them.

Where to start
First stop should be the engines own set of rules, these are always quite vague but the assistance is vital:
Google Webmasters guide
Yahoo!
MSN

Next top are some very relevant blogs
Matt Cutts Google's inside man
Aaron Wall's SEO Blog
SEO Moz Blog

And finally, the best forum there is
Web Master World

For seasoned SEO people these sites will be in there favourites already, but for beginners these are the best places to start.

This list is by no means exhaustive so if you know any more sites, then please let me know. I'll post the best ones here soon.

Internet myopia

Is it just me, or do you suffer from internet myopia too?

Every day I religiously visit the same set of web pages, looking for information, entertainment or just fresh content for a writer I like. I'm happy with how I do this but I get the feeling that I'm missing out on what's out there.

The trouble I have, and you do to if you have a website, is how to get people to make your site part of their daily round of sites and include it in thier own little myopia.

There are a few ways to achieve this both involve a either time or money. Choose whichever you have most of.

1. Have link bait on your site - Money Solution
   My site is translation services so the link bait we have is free translation. Every body wants something for free and we give it to them. We don't make a penny, but the link bait gives us access to the audience we need.
   
2. Update regularly - Time Solution
   Having fresh content is the other way to get and keep new visitors but it takes time. Just pinching other people's news or content is a waste. You need to make your own and make it highly relevant. That way you become and authority and the first and hopefully last stop.

In a ideal world you'll do both, but for most of us mortals you only have the time or money for one. Do one well is the best advice I'd give.